Friday, February 5, 2010

Cupid's Billion Dollar Empire

Well hello there gorgeous...

Have I told you lately that you have beautiful sexy eyes. They glitter each time you blink, and change color twice a day. When those hips move, the world stands still. Let's not forget your smile that melts the coldest of hearts, and your voice, oh baby, that voice that is enchanting and mesmerizing, blows me away each time you speak. What any man would not give to be in your company.

Now I have your attention, it must be a great feeling to have those words translated into gifts and getaways. Well guess what honey......

Cupid is paying close attention to those feelings, and has found many many creative and financially accepted ways to create a win-win situation, for you, him and everyone.

The roses, chocolates, balloons, lingeries, teddy bears, reservations for dinner, short weekend getaways, babysitters for the night, babysitters for the weekend.

What about the more lavish gifts like jewelry: rings, necklaces, bracelets, wristwaches, pendants and even brooches. Turn it up an extreme notch to the rich and famous. Let's bring on the gifts of cars, houses, horses, yachts, and over-the-top shopping sprees. Cupid is one savvy business guy, arrow in hand and a book or receipts in his bag. Amazing.

In the United States alone, over $100m is spent on flowers alone, towards the celebration of love. Dare I mention that these flowers are perishable, and therefore are dead and gone in a couple weeks, if not less. This business of love is recession proof, it is not political or spiritual, but it is definitely euphoric, which is the main reason why it drives people to such surprising levels of investment.

Yes, I said investment. A good Valentine's day gift, practically guarantees a guy immunity from any past grudges or pending fights, for that one day. The more abundant or expensive the gift, the more he could 'probably' get away with 'almost' anything. Ultimately, his gifts (investments) have just bought him a royal treatment in the bedroom, including million dollar smiles and the most affection any man can wish for. To be fair, in recent years, women have been scrutinized for not getting gifts for the guys. Now, some women get a little gift to 'clear the air', which I know the men appreciate. It's good to show a little kindness from time to time.

By the time morning comes around, the 'high' is gone and we all go about our normal business, making Cupid a happy, rich guy, all over again.

I'm sorry, but what the true meaning of love again?

Friday, January 15, 2010

Cougar Re-Defined

I made my way to a friend's house on a friday evening, to relax, sip some wine and moan about being alone. As I got there, I pressed the door bell. After a few seconds, I heard her cackle behind the door before opening the door. She was expecting me, but I was not expecting what I saw.

She was clad in daisy dukes, and a bra. Er...yeah. That was my reaction....huh!!!

"Put some clothes on!" I joked as I walked passed her into the small foyer leading to the living room. I was greeted with another stunner as she followed me in. Sprawled on her large sofa was a shirtless guy, wearing a lazy smile and a pair of unbuttoned jeans. He looked like he had just finished a workout session because all his muscles looked tight and spent, and his eyes looked like they were ready to shut tight.

Stepping back, I almost pushed her down from behind me. It was awkward, and I was embarassed for myself and both of them. I was deflated with lack of response.

"Watch it!" she laughed out loud.
"Hey" he drawled at me. I blinked a thousand times.
"Okay baby. This is my friend I told you I was expecting" Shawna announced to him.
"Hey" he repeated.
I smiled and nodded at him, still not sure what to say to him.
Shawna walked passed me, and into her bedroom, leaving me with poolboy. He slowly got up and towered the room. I stepped back again. (My heart was getting a bit tired of stopping unexpectedly!)
He was clearly over 6'4" and lithe. Very dark with shiny skin and shinier teeth. His ripped abs, down his upper crotch (hey! he left it open for me to see!) were still a little sweaty. He slowly buttoned his jeans, staring down at me with a cocky smile. I looked far far away from him, calling out my girl's name.
As she walked back in, she was now dressed with a t-shirt and a pair of jeans herself. He turned to her and smiled.
"I'm gonna leave now, so you ladies can hang out. I'll call you later" he walked up to her, bent down and planted a long slurpy one on her lips. I gasped silently, looking for a couch to sit on.
Shawna grabbed his arm and before I knew it, they were locked in a makeout session. Her legs were wrapped around his waist and he was walking with her to the foyer where his shirt was, still kissing, and now moaning. At the foyer, they finally untangled so he could put on his shirt, and he was gone.

You are probably wondering why this typically normal adult behavior is shocking to me that have seen more sex scenes than a porn director. Maybe when I share the stats, you'll understand:

Shawna is 5'3" and toned. Shawna is light skin with a bob haircut, serious face and very large uneventful brown eyes. Shawna looks 30, but she acts 25. She is young at heart, not childish. Shawna is 52yrs old.

Poolboy, from what she had told me is a third year college student, which sits him around age 22. We both met poolboy when we went shopping for a replacement for Shawna's pool skimmer. He was the sales person there, and attended to us. By the time we were finished, Shawna had his number, and I was shocked and jealous.

Yes, it's a trend, but a comfortable one, that women are aggressively portraying confidently, in public. An older woman, successful, full of life and ready for adventure. A younger man, a much much younger man, ready to please, ready to learn. Both satisfy each other's craving and sometimes, even find love. It's no longer like the days of the movie 'The Graduate' where it's hidden, and the woman is actually seducing her prey, taking advantage of her position and making him feel awkward. Now, the younger guy is a willing and aggressive participant. He wants it, and pursues the woman. Their thing is 'if she looks good and takes care of me, it's on!' The woman on her part treats him with respect and they have fun together. Hollywood glorified it, and now, it's a wave of some level of validation for some women, who really really look great and buoyant at their age. It's a new, exciting and pleasant way to unfolding today's woman who refuses to accept the 'over-the-hill' title, and living a more fulfilled life.

These women are not really interested in the feminist movement. They don't want to take knitting classes and order the next best thing in HSN. They want to be out and about with the rest of the wild pack. They hit the gym everyday, climb mountains and go clubbing. These women are the new faces of sexy and fun, creating more competition for the younger obnoxious girls that have no idea how to have a respectful and loving relationship with a guy.

Today's cougar is very successful, and driven. She is super sexy and fit. She knows all the hip songs and can work any gadget; cellphones, WII, Playstation, iPod, TiVo and even XBox. She has a fast car and not scared to walk in the rain. The best part is that she is mature enough not to smother you, and exciting enough to keep you coming back for more. You are proud to introduce her to your friends.

I've found the strangest matches in my short stay on earth, and it pleases me to be open minded enough to enjoy and appreciate it. I was just shocked that Shawna went for a guy HALF her age. That was a new turn for me.

When she came back in the living room and flopped on the couch, we both looked at each other and burst out laughing. I shook my head and asked her the obvious question.
"Did you know.." I said between laughs.
"What do you think? You don't ask questions like that!"
"You slut!" I laughed even louder.
"Whatever" she responded. "I think he likes me"
"How do you figure?"
"He's been here every single day for the past two weeks. It was so difficult to get him to come here at first, but as soon as he made it here, it's been a daily thing with him since then"
As we spoke, her cellphone rang. The sudden twinkle in her eyes told me it was him. She purred a 'hello' to him. The conversation was very short but infectiously warm. I smiled sincerely, delighted that she was happy. She deserved it.
"He called to let me know he is home." she squealed as soon as she hung up from him.
"Does he have a brother" I blurted out shamelessly.
"I thought you'd never ask" Shawna answered mischievously. "He's a twin"
"OMG!" I put my hand over my mouth. Shawna nodded.
"But I thought you won't date someone younger" she jeered at me.
I smiled and shook my head, still embarassed. She's right. I used to say that, but I guess I have to get over my insecurities and give it a go.
"Shawna, don't start"
"Okay. Okay. I'll set something up"
"I mean, yes"
"Oh God Shawna. What have you got me into now"
"Make up your mind woman" she barked jokingly.
I got up and paced back and forth. She picked up the phone and dialed, ignoring my antics.
"Hey baby. When you come back later tonight, can you bring your brother along. My friend doesn't believe you have a twin" she smiled slyly.
Before I could run to her to grab the phone and hang it up, she was done.I sighed in apprehension, butterflies working their way around my stomach. I just shook my head.
"Relax. He's not going to bite you" she got up to go to the kitchen for the wine. "He'll just love the heck outta your lonely ass" she let out a witch's laugh and was gone.
Well, if you can't beat them, join them.

(I wonder if poolboy's twin can fix my XBox)

Saturday, January 9, 2010

If I Was Married To Tiger

Poor guy.

Good looking geek, lots of money, and no common sense. Needless to say, he got carried away with the attention. Too many available women at one time. Too many empty promises and one confused golfer.

What was he thinking? That he will never be caught? No privacy when you are celebrity. Tiger with his mess of groping groupies.

Okay, let's talk Erin. Beautiful blonde, a.k.a former nanny, bombshell. Tiger messed up, just like Kobe, just like the rest of them out there with looks and money in their pocket.

Go on vacation with a couple of your best friends and plot this one out. No point divorcing him. Sweet smell of revenge is always fresher than fast ink of divorce. What's the point. He's going to wear out this phase of embarassment anyway. They all do. This is not rocket science.

If I was married to Tiger, I'd wait this one out and let it blow over with the press and media, then I'll show him why women are a force to reckon with....still.

Then again, we have not heard what her actions will be, yet. Hmm, maybe she heard my thoughts.

Erin, call me.